Now what?

I feel so helpless

“It’s ok I’m dying from cancer”.
First time I heard her say the words where it didn’t sound in jest anymore.

I tell him my daughter will probably not remember my mother, her grandmother..then I tried hard to conceal the horror on my face.
I wasn’t successful
He doesn’t get it.
He never will.
No one understands.

“This is my mommy!”
a little voice in me wants to scream out.
All the time it echoes when I stop to think.
So I keep busy. There is so much to be done.
The kids are my number one priority.

I thank gd I have my angel to be able to breathe and have that needed life. I don’t think I’d be sane without her. Well half sane anyways.

This week I especially appreciate the distractions.
At first I isolated myself just drowning in the overwhelming sadness.
But after coming home, I’ve done what I can to the best of my abilities and now it’s time to get back to life. Luckily this industry is never boring.

Being in my hometown was tough.
Tougher than I thought.
So much needs to be done and I don’t know where to start.
I don’t even know if they will let me help.

The crisis will come it’s just a matter of time.
I hope at least she is more comfortable now.

I’m torn what to tell my children.
My son is old enough to understand what’s happening. My daughter just doesn’t understand why “Gaga” isn’t coming back to visit like she promised.

Then there are my parents. I still wish they would get out of the south and see a real doctor. I wish they would let me take care of them.

Tapestry my Grandmother made always reminds me of my mom

My work, which I am so happy with.
We are getting so many good things done and the future looks good.
I have found my people who I can both work and socialize with ease.
I was always taught the two should never mix.
We just hadn’t met yet.

It’s hard to try to plan this trip to DC.
We’ve been lobbying so hard the last few years and longer before I came to New England.
I want to show my team DC
I want them to feel how empowering it is after having a good meeting in our nations capital.

It’s been a hard year on us all.
There was a lot of loss. A lot of changes.
I like the focus of this years Americans for Safe Access conference and look forward to the round tables deciding on what to work on as a group nationally for the coming year.

I hope you join us help make that happen.

We are so honored to be invited to take part in 13 folds party in March.
We can’t wait to reveal what we are coming up.
It’s all coming together nicely.

I hope you’ll come, and you never know you may get lucky 😘

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